“I, like most people, wish to be More attractive, not less”

I ran a contest on Beerasana’s Facebook page and Robyn won the right to name today’s post. I won’t tell you the context of the conversation, but it had to do with her disparaging my look. Why would Robyn make fun of this?

Hey, why don’t YOU “Like” Beerasana’s Facebook page? Every time we don’t get Liked Mark Zuckerburg comes up with a new way to confuse my grandma.

I’m coming down with something, but I went to teach my usual power flow class tonight. Only four women showed up, my regulars, three of them around the mid-century mark I’d say. I dig these ladies because they are willing to try anything and they never complain. Which is a lot more than I can say for myself. Also, two have cute French-Canadian accents and the other one just offered to take me waterskiing. Perks! At the end of class they all did headstands against the wall and they were psyched. It was great.

Since I was feeling kind of pumped despite being stricken with the plague, I stuck around for the class after mine, a Foundations class for beginners. This is a very good entry-level class offered by Yoga Etc. Studio that I wish more people would take. In a beginner’s class, you move slowly and learn the basic poses and spend a lot of time stretching and resting. Last night a woman came to my hot power class who had never done yoga before, and, as I feared, she fled midway through, leaving her mat and towel in a defeated little heap. I felt bad, because it was 105 degrees in the room and the class is intended to be hard — it’s hard even for me to teach. My clothes are soaked through within 10 minutes and I’m frequently panting like a dog, which I’m not supposed to be doing. But I can’t just drop into child’s pose in the middle of class myself, so gasping for breath happens. It’s a damn lot of talking. Anyway, I really hope this woman is not put off of yoga because of her experience. Yoga really is for everyone, and the reason I’ve got this blog here aside from my insatiable need for attention is to persuade people to make this practice a regular part of their lives. Yoga makes you happier, and the happier people are, the fewer Republicans boo soldiers and the more lesbians kiss on airplanes.

I know you’ve got excuses and I’ve got answers: I am also very inflexible; I do not actually enjoy exercising; during classes I am often miserable and angry, even (especially?) when I take my girlfriend’s class. Yoga is the best thing for a terrible mood, for when you get dumped, or fired, or when you have family visiting, the kind you don’t really like. Yoga is the best thing for a hangover, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your boozy ass to class. Are you put off by “breathing?” Tell that to lung cancer. Are you afraid of meditating or chanting or words you don’t recognize? Afraid it’s too woo-woo, or that Jesus wouldn’t approve? Dude. My mom, the Born Again African Missionary, comes to my class. By the way, you’re not getting any younger. Or stronger. Or smarter. Probably. After class, on the other hand, you are happier, stronger, and more flexible in body, brain, and spirit, which is that part of you that makes you awesome or not awesome. You might also have a headache and smell bad, and for that I recommend you drink more water.

To summarize, unless you can’t find a sitter, you should look for a class you like. It may even make you More attractive.

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