I’m out of shape
In the past month I’ve only taught two classes, and it’ll be at least another five weeks before our new studio opens. Meanwhile, it’s the holiday season, and the food— the delicious, plentiful food, and drink — is unrelenting, like a daily horn of plenty, but rather than overflowing with fruit, it’s stuffed with mashed potatoes, pie and beer. And so am I.
I’ve done a class here and there, but my routine is shot. I’m feeling doughy and sluggish and sleepy. So today, for a little kick in the pants, I went down to Orange Theory for one of their hyperactive 60-minute workouts.
If you haven’t experienced the franchise called Orange Theory, lemme you about it. It’s like yoga class in that you are with a group of people, there is an instructor, and you sweat. It is unlike yoga in most other ways. When you arrive, they hand you a heart monitor and a strap, which you snug around your torso. Depending on the leader, the music blaring is either club or guitar rock. The popular music is fun, because I never have any idea what’s going on in the world, and it’s often literally my first listen to whatever everyone else already knows.The classic rock is the boringest, most palatable shit around. No deep cuts here, I’m talking Bon Jovi and Aerosmith radio hits, and hilariously today, “Physical” by ONJ.
The class is interval training, and the instructor shouts encouragement and directions into his wireless mic. During the workout a monitor constantly displays your heart rate information: your beats-per-minute compared with your supposed target rate and max, according to your age. The idea is to labor hard enough to stay in your “orange” zone, which lies somewhere between taking a stroll and having a heart attack. In my three visits to Orange Theory, I have ALWAYS had the highest average heart rate in the room. Which means, I think, that my cardio sucks. On the plus side, I’m getting the most out of my training. I also seem to be stronger than most of the other folks when we’re doing weights and abs, but on the treadmill I probably look most likely to need an ambulance.
Katelyn, on the other hand, is in terrific shape. There are two kinds of people: those who love to exercise, knowing how good it makes them feel, who will make time for it because it’s something they really want to do. And then there are people like me.
I decided to become a yoga teacher for two reasons: first, I thought it was so ridiculous an idea, that I ought to try it. Nothing else in my life seemed to be working, none of my recent decisions had panned out, so the fact that my normal self considered it absurd seemed as good a reason to do it as any. The second reason is my health is important to me, but my will is weak. I knew if I became a yoga instructor, I would have no choice but to practice, to stay in shape, and keep at it.
So, I can’t WAIT to get back into the studio. OUR studio, and you guys are gonna love it. If you fell off the horse a bit, like me, just climb back aboard. Until I see you all again, I’ll be working on it. Taking classes, learning new stuff, and, ugh, running. Cardio: it’s an important part of a complete breakfast.